Top 4 Reasons Women Ride The Emotional Roller-Coaster by Dr. Shawn Byler

Top 4 Reasons Women Ride The Emotional Roller-Coaster by Dr. Shawn Byler

1. Women have learned and are in the habit of being driven by the approval of others. Most women allow the expectations of others to define them and therefore making the approval of others is responsible for their happiness. This pattern gives others the power to make and take your happiness at any time. Approval seeking steals your happiness and doesnt allow you to ever get to know yourself, your wants, your desires, or your needs. A total disconnect. Thus an up and down roller-coaster of emotions. Not a pleasant way to live.

2. Women their achievements define their value. This belief causes several problems. When you believe that you are defined by your achievements, you are unable to feel good about yourself or have strong self-esteem unless you are accomplishing or producing which does not allow for down time, relaxation or free creativity. There is no room for you to just be you. You identify yourself as results. This way of living allows for little or no joy, peace, or contentment because you are always looking for the next way to achieve. This is very different from healthy goal setting. Attaching your value to your achievements will ensure that you will not exit your emotional roller-coaster.

3. Women believe their children define them. Holding this belief can be very damaging for the parent and the child. When parents (unconsciously) hold the belief that their children define them or give them value, they will act in a way that pressures kids to perform at a standard they cannot match up to. Or parents try to force kids to have goals that the parent thinks is best and disregard what the kid or teen wants. Parents with this belief tie their sense of purpose to their childrens results or who they become. This will steal your childs own sense of worth because he/she will only feel good about themselves when they meet your standards and expectations. And quite frankly this is not the unconditional love your child deserves. This is pushing your own agenda on your kids. Children, teens, and young adults need some (increasing as they age) space to figure out what they want and what is important to them! Discover your own identity and allow your children to do the same. Anything else will push your children away emotionally as they grow up. If you depend on your childrens results (or your perception of what these results should be) you will stay on the emotional roller-coaster!

4. Women believe that their husbands are supposed to make them happy. Who of you thought when you got married (if you are married), or perhaps moved in with a significant other, that, this person will make me so happy? Or if you have experienced a divorce or a break-up, you may have thought, this person makes me so unhappy. I am simplifying a bit, but the principal is true. The problem with this thinking is that if we allow people to make us happy, then at any time that person can take our happy. Only you are responsible for your happiness. You must create or develop an inner knowing that you are completely loveable, worthy, and valuable regardless of who is or isnt a part of our life!
About the Author
Momentum Performance Development is a personal and professional coaching company. When you commit to one of our programs, our team of experts in sport, career, and family performance development will assist in exponentially changing your life for the better. This means high performance success for you. We are committed to your results!

Sign up for our FANTASTIC newsletters at www.create-momentum.com .

Hire Divorce Lawyer or Use Online Divorce Forms? by Scott Morgan

Hire Divorce Lawyer or Use Online Divorce Forms? by Scott Morgan

Hire Divorce Lawyer or Use Online Divorce Forms?

When do you need to hire a family law attorney and when is it okay to just use an online divorce form website to save a little money? This article will provide a few pointers to help you decide whether to do it yourself or retain a divorce lawyer.

What Does it Mean to Use an Online Divorce Form Website?

Essentially, using an online form website in your divorce case means that you will represent yourself and act as your own lawyer. All of the online divorce form sites have disclaimers making it clear that they are not your lawyer and are just preparing documents on your behalf. While it is your constitutional right to act as your own lawyer, there are some significant risks involved that should be evaluated before you take the online route.

Additionally, you have to evaluate the particular website you are dealing with. Most are national sites that offer forms that they claim will work in any state. However, every state has different laws. In other words, a California Divorce Decree will not be identical to a Texas Divorce Decree because the laws of the two states are not identical. So with an online divorce you are basically getting a generic form that may or may not work in your jurisdiction.

What if You Have Children?

While many of the divorce form sites claim to offer forms that address the necessary provisions regarding children (conservatorship, support, visitation, etc.), it is very risky to use these generic forms when you have children. You must remember that your divorce forms are being prepared using online software that simply fills in the blanks with your answers to very simplistic yes/no or multiple choice questions. These answers may not necessarily fit your situation or you may not fully understand the question.

This is where a competent lawyer can make a big difference. A lawyer will learn more about your situation and find out exactly what your documents need to say, instead of just the boilerplate language that the divorce website's software spits out. If you have children, you should take the safe route and hire an experienced divorce lawyer.

What if You Own Property?

Many of the divorce form sites also claim to offer forms that will deal with the most complex of property divisions. But when it comes to dividing any property beyond personal effects (clothes, furniture, etc.), it is risky to rely solely on generic divorce forms. If you or your spouse own real estate, vehicles, 401k accounts or other retirement accounts, or have any other financial assets or liabilities, an online divorce form will not necessarily protect your interests.

A competent divorce lawyer would be able to, first, analyze your situation and determine what property division is in your best interest, and second, ensure that all the assets awarded to you were properly transferred and the titles correctly recorded on your behalf.

Conclusion

Using an online divorce form always carries a certain amount of risk. If there are no children from the marriage and no property to divide, then saving a few hundred dollars may be worth the risk and the extra work you will have to do. But for most people, especially those with children or property, it is essential to hire an experienced divorce lawyer to handle their case.

About the Author

Scott Morgan has been a Houston divorce lawyer for over ten years. His practice focuses exclusivley on divorce and family law cases. You can find out more about Mr. Morgan on his website, www.houstondivorce.com.

About the Author
Scott Morgan has been a Houston divorce lawyer for over ten years. His practice focuses exclusivley on divorce and family law cases. You can find out more about Mr. Morgan on his website http://www.houstondivorce.com

Is your lifes purpose for sale? by Craig Nathanson

Is your lifes purpose for sale? by Craig Nathanson

Is your lifes purpose for sale?
There is no purpose too big or too small
By Craig Nathanson

Meet Joe. Hes a middle-aged bridge toll-taker in the San Francisco Bay Area. In a recent interview, Joe said he loves the role he has filled for the last 12 years. The job suits his purpose. He said: If I can help someone start their day off right in the few seconds when they are handing me [the toll], I feel I have made a difference in the day and life of another person.

Meet Mel. Hes a veteran New York City street sweeper who works through the night clearing away the previous days debris. Mel ran into Craig Nathanson, The Vocational Coach, one morning after Craigs run in Central Park. Mel said: Nothing makes me happier than making sure no one has to step on garbage when they start out their day on my street. He has been sweeping the same four square city blocks for 30 years.

Meet Minna Valentine, a.k.a. The Reading Doctor. A past client of Craigs, shes a former marketing executive who ditched the corporate world to teach English as a second language. This is her take on the changes she made in her vocational path: Teaching others makes me feel like I am contributing to something worthwhile.

Joe, Mel, and Minna each go to work every day knowing they will make a difference to someone. They are grateful to be able to do so. There are many so-called high achievers earning six-figure salaries that cannot make that claim.

Why is living with purpose critical in mid-life?

In mid-life, many people find themselves suddenly questioning everythingcareers, lifestyles, and priorities. Nothing is spared from this examination, although few will discuss their fears.

Often it takes a personal crisisa layoff, a death, or a divorceto move people from introspection to action. When these events occur, they open up a small window of opportunity to challenge everything and consider a new course.

Inner questioning is critical in mid-life. If a person hopes to achieve greater meaning and self-fulfillment, things are never easy. It requires courage and a leap of faith.

Craig speaks from experience. A few years ago, he came home from his six-figure job and announced to his family that he was quitting. He no longer found meaning and fulfillment in what he was doing. That was his first leap of faith.

How do I find and live with purpose?

Finding the meaning of life is not self-indulgent or clich. It is the essence of why we are here. If there is no meaning, then what is the point of existence? In order to create a path toward meaning, in our jobs and in our lives, we need to begin with an evaluation process that challenges.

- Fill in the blank: The purpose of my life isKeep saying it until you find an answer. Then write it down.

- Make an honest self-assessment of your current state. Exclude external input or validation. Are you driven? A procrastinator? Happy? Sad? Energetic? Lethargic? Generous? Selfish? Adventurous? Conservative? Etc.

- Define the experiences you need now to feel fully alive. Then, develop a plan to have those experiences. Do you want to travel to China before you turn 50? Have you always wanted to sing in front of a large audience? Have you always wanted to study to become a chef? Have you always wanted to run a marathon? Etc.

- Define exactly what youre passionate about and where you want to make a contribution. Is it music? Teaching? Sports? Photography? Cooking? Academics? Etc.

- Define what is most important to you. Then, set short- and long-term goals that are aligned with these priorities. Without a clear path, goals are mere daydreams. Set up a process to monitor your progress.

- Define the new experiences that you must have to add a greater sense of meaning and fulfillment to your life. Do you need to start cooking more? Traveling? Taking classes? Skydiving? Etc.

- Define your beliefs about yourself. Then, change the ones that are no longer useful. Do you believe you are deserving of doing what you love? Or do you believe that work is not meant to be fun and meaningful?

Dr. James Hollis, a scholar on philosopher Carl Jung and a writer on mid-life issues, said that as we grow older, both meaning and purpose become equal. Both are needed to thrive. Also, Jung wrote that early in life, meaning is derived through preparation for living. In later years, meaning is derived through an examination of the inner self.

What are the results of living with purpose in mid-life?

Victor Frankl, a Nazi death camp survivor, believed that the urge of human beings to search for meaning is inborn. Researcher Martin Bolt said that having meaning and a defined purpose in a persons life makes it possible to accept ones own mortality with less fear of death and a greater sense of lifes plans and their meaning.

Mid-life adults with purpose can experience:

- A greater sense of integrity and authenticity;
- An experience of being more alive;
- An increased feeling of contribution;
- Stronger health and psychological wellbeing;
- A life thats more congruent;
- An acceptance of their own mortality and, as a result, less fear of death and a greater sense of their life plans and their meaning;
- A feeling of greater control over their lives and a feeling that their life matters;
- An increased sense of self-esteem and happiness.

Is this enough incentive for you?

You can discover and live a more purposeful life now. Dont simply surrender to a world that will continue to rent your skills to suit its purposes. A greater second half is possible if you take action now!

Remember Mel, Joe, and Minna? What connects them is that neither fits into a conventional definition of success. Yet pursuing conventionally defined success has led so many people on a journey that ends with disappointment and a crisis of introspection that Mel and Joe probably havent experienced. Minna, in contrast, is a goodand unfortunately rareexample of someone who pursued conventional success, found it wanting, and then had the courage to make a change that didnt lead to material riches. But her life itself was made richer.
About the Author
Craig Nathanson, The Vocational Coach, works with those over 40 to discover and do the work they love. He is the author of P Is For Perfect: Your Perfect Vocational Day, by Book Coach Press. Visit his online community at http://www.thevocationalcoach.com where you can sign up for his monthly Tele-class.