How To Identify What The Question "Should I get a divorce?" Means To You. by Karl Augustine

How To Identify What The Question "Should I get a divorce?" Means To You. by Karl Augustine

Deciding about whether you should get a divorce or not is an agonizing experience to go through. If you are asking yourself "should I get a divorce?", you've been thinking about your relationship's state for a while or an isolated incident (an example is an extramarital affair) that occurred was so terrible, that you want to just chuck it all and start over with a new life!

If you have been asking yourself "should I get a divorce?" for any length of time, you should figure out what is making you feel that way if you haven't already. Take the time to reflect back on why you're leaning towards divorce rather than working out your marriage problem. Once you identify the things that are making you feel like divorce is the right option, make a list of those things.

Once you make that list, go back through each item on the list that led you to asking yourself the question "should I get a divorce?". Look at each item on the list in depth and make certain you really deem those items as valid reasons for wanting a divorce, either in and of themselves or as a part of a common theme of reasons that make up a whole set.

Once you trim the list down to include only truly 'valid reasons', rank each reason in order of importance. Identify 2 reasons that hold the most weight to you and that contributed most to you asking yourself "should I get a divorce?".

After you accomplish this, decide if these reasons seem like things that can be changed for the better or if they are just flat out unrecoverable. Soul search and decide whether or not you are willing to do what it takes to try and fix the problem that is associated with these reasons.

Example: If one of your reasons for thinking about divorce is because your spouse is insanely jealous of you having friendly and/or purely plutonic relationships with members of the opposite sex, decide whether or not you are willing to socialize less with members of the opposite sex (or in a different manner) or do what it takes to ensure that your spouse understands and believes that you truly love him/her. If you aren't willing to do either of those things (or anything else it may take to change the situation), you have some serious long-term thinking to do about whether you really want to stay married.

If you have been asking yourself "should I get a divorce?" due to one isolated incident, you should re-live that isolated incident in your mind and identify why the isolated incident led you to the way that you feel now.

List the top 5 reasons that this incident hurt you to the extent it did (thinking about divorce). Then, think about what you feel the top 5 reasons are that led to the actual incident itself.

This is especially crucial because, even though it may be one isolated incident that caused you to think about divorce as an option, the reasons that led to that isolated incident may have been present for quite a while and need to be dealt with. The point is, just because one isolated incident 'happened', doesn't mean the execution of that incident is the true cause of the problem. Chances are there's much more to it, and finding out what those things are will help you identify the true story.

If you have been asking yourself "do I want a divorce?" and haven't prioritized why you feel that way, you aren't ready for divorce. What you are ready for however, is to go through soul searching to get to the root of the problem.


About the Author
Author of "A Practical Guide To
Deciding Whether Or Not To Get A
Divorce", the eBook recommended by
counselors to thier clients.
Proven "Actions Items" to help you decide!br>
Deciding on Divorce

Should I Get A Divorce

Children and Divorce by Karen Zastudil

Children and Divorce by Karen Zastudil

You and your spouse have decided to end your marriage. Although this has been a difficult decision for you and your spouse, it can be a very complicated one for your children. Divorce in many ways is like facing a death in the family, and a grieving process takes place for everyone involved.
Often times after a divorce, you need to rediscover who you are, overcome your own fears and determine how to begin making a new life for you and your children. Once the grieving process has taken place, don't assume things will suddenly go smoothly -- especially when you start dating again. It may be hard for your children to adjust to the "new you" and patience is key. The process of adapting may take longer than what you would like and your children's emotions may be like a roller coaster ride. You have spent years parenting your children and devoting your life to them. Now that you are focusing more time on yourself, your children may become disheartened and insecure. It's extremely important that at this time you strive to attain a balance in your life and enter this new phase of your life gradually. Your children will need you more than ever for support, comfort and reassurance. Many times children become unsure of themselves and aren't sure where they fit into your life, but rest assured that eventually they will come around.
As you begin uncovering the new you, it's not wrong to make time for yourself, but when it seems appropriate, include your children. You are a mom first, and you would not want to sacrifice the needs of your children. Maintain moments of "single" freeness to time with your friends and not in front of your children. As you begin dating again, feeling silly, giddy and young, do it in a way that doesn't affect them. Introducing a lot of casual dates into your children's lives can cause anxiety and confusion. Reassure them that your date is not a replacement for "dad" or them. You would not want your children to feel they are being abandoned.
Your children still need to know that you are the parent and that they can depend on you to provide the love and emotional stability they need.


About the Author
Karen Zastudil is a retired financial analyst with a BA in Economics and Marketing - as the parent, Karen is an advocate for others who are interested in parenting and womens issues. Karen shares her wisdom and her resources at http://www.womenatthesummit.com