Inspiration from the Creator of Happy Living... by Neil Millar

Inspiration from the Creator of Happy Living... by Neil Millar

You, like many others, may have come to this article because you want more from life. In this sense, you and I may be alike because were searching for greater happiness and a stronger sense of fulfillment.

If you are someone in your thirties or older, and perhaps western, then you, like me, may have read enough adventure stories or seen enough Walt Disney to have been heartened by the stories of ugly guys, like the beast in Beauty and the Beast, winning the beauty, Belle. I dont know about you, but that story gave me hope!

And maybe you relate to the heroics of Robin Hood who stood no nonsense, not even from the baddies in charge while King Richard crusaded. And Robin, in between robbing the rich and dishing it out to the poor, still had time to get his work-life balance right. In between robbing the rich and dishing it out to the poor he still had the time to party with his mates and date the fairest maiden in the land. The old rogue!

Maybe you loved the never-grow-old attitude of Pan, willed Hercules to conquer all and craved the day that you could leave school and set off through the forest of life, whistling and singing as merrily as one of the Seven Dwarfs, as you headed your way to a job that made your heart sing with joy!

And maybe, like me, now youve grown up, you realise that the world is not quite the way you imagined it in your youth: Cinderella has not pulled up outside your home in her pumpkin carriage, nor is Snow White cooking dinner for you when you get home from the office after a day working for a guy who would find himself in steaming hot water if he had a nose like Pinocchio.

Well I dont know about you, but I felt a little disgruntled and let down with the way life turned out after such a romantic, adventurous childhood heavily laden with dreams.

Disgruntled by the time I hit my mid-twenties? More like disconnected: divorce, obesity, financial troubles and abuse had all gone on in my life by then and I suppose in a way I did feel like a couple of the dwarfsgrumpy and sleepy! Maybe your experience is similar, maybe a little different, slightly better or worse, but Im sure we can empathise with each other and maybe even share a little feeling of disillusionment with life in general.

But this word disillusionment it makes me wonder It makes me wonder how I came to be disillusioned. Because to come to a place of disillusionment must mean I had an illusion in the first place. And I guess that this illusion might have been shaped by the wonders of Disney and the hopes of romance and magic in a future and the values set by the society of the time: work hard for a living and marry for lifein other words grow up, be a hero and marry a princess.

But what are your illusions, my new friend? What did you hope to have found in life before you stumbled on my article? Who did you hope to be? Who did you hope to love? And where did it all go wrong?

But I have some other questions for you before you go: what if all that experience has come to you for your greater good? What if you could understand it? What if you could use it? What if you could rise above it? What if you could now become that hero you always dreamed you would be and reconnect with that world of romance, adventure and wonder?

What if everything in your life had a purpose? What if you have a life purpose? What if that life purpose were to set out with an illusion, find the opposite of that illusiondisillusionmentand then rediscover the original illusion so you could ultimately experience the true magic and wonder of life and live happily ever after?

Perhaps all the difficulty is worthwhile. Perhaps all our troubles have true meaning, my friend and perhaps we are now ready to experience the magic this world has to offer. I guess we must also remember that even Walt Disney himself had his challenges: I understand he slept rough in his office because he couldnt afford accommodation and even had no shoes left to wear when he finally got invited to a meeting that changed his life, and all of ours.

What will you do improve in your life?
Novelist and personal development writer, Neil Millar invites you to join his free newsletter at Unstoppable Life and get his free e-book Greater Steps to Happiness as a thank you for joining his readership. www.unstoppablelife.com

About the Author
Neil Millar is the novelist behind the potent adventure Black Water, personal development writer and author of Simple Steps to Greater Happiness and Be the Hero in your Own Life. Neils words inspire people to find greater reward in their work and more fun in their personal relationships and life. Subscribe to the Ezine he writes for Unstoppable Life FREE!

Midlife Dating: Filling Your Social Calendar by Susan Dunn, MA, Personal Life Coach

Midlife Dating: Filling Your Social Calendar by Susan Dunn, MA, Personal Life Coach

If you find yourself suddenly solo at midlife wondering how to keep a balanced social life and meet other singles, you arent alone.

Sometimes friends and country clubs are divided up in the divorce along with the possessions, or you may find your invitations from married couples dwindling or difficult. Formerly an enthusiastic host or hostess, you may find it too challenging to entertain alone in your own home, while feeling like odd man out with the former married crowd you moved in. You may also have lost your best tennis or racquetball partner in your former spouse.

Others take a hiatus after a breakup or loss of a spouse, and then, when they feel like getting active again, wonder how to go about it. It isnt just about finding a new partner, its doing things you like to do with others.

Here are some suggestions.

SINGLE ACTIVITIES GROUPS

You can find these groups through yellow pages, search engines or local churches. If you dont find one in your town, start one. They fill a need.

These groups may or may not be age-limited. Structured in various ways, they usually have an Activities Chairperson who schedules events. The person who wants to sponsor an event or activity gets it on the calendar, coordinates logistics (collects money, books tickets), takes reservations, answers questions and serves as welcoming host at the event or activity itself.

MIXED GROUPS

Regular activity groups such as an Adventure Group are a great idea too. Activities are physically oriented, including dancing, kayacking, hiking, and camping trips. There could be one around culture too, or travel. They include both single and married folks, just like church, the Rotary and the workplace.

Its a great way to meet new people, whether youre a couple new to town who knows no one outside of work, or a single person hoping to find a partner.

Socializing around shared interests with an unplanned group of others is one of the best ways to meet new members of the opposite sex. They have a good energy, and youre already on the way toward compatibility.

Volunteering would also fit this category. Check out your local museums, non-profits, libraries, hospitals, zoo and alma mater to see what groups you can belong to and enjoy.

And dont forget civic organizations.

Remember, you can make it happen. If you went to a big school and still live in that town, why not start a Single Alumni Club? Youd connect with people you have a lot in common withhistory.

SINGLES FRIENDS GROUP

A Singles Friends Group may or may not be age-defined, and can include a wide variety of social events and activities out on the town, up in the hills, or in the homes of members. Some may date, but its mostly about new friends and shared interests.

Included might be: wine and beer tasting, happy hour, a crafts party for members and their grandkids, Super Bowl party in someones home, Sunday night dinner and movie, a cruise, volunteer work, going to a rodeo, ballet or symphony, attending a cooking class, Game Night at someones home (bring your favorite board game), a Dance Gala inviting all-city singles, bowling, and just about anything else people enjoy doing together.

Churches sometimes sponsor these groups, giving them a place to meet on Sunday morning, or they can be held in public facilities such as a hotel, restaurant, or library.

CHURCH SINGLES GROUPS & SUNDAY SCHOOL CLASSES

Many churches and religious institutions actively minister to singles and offer Sunday School classes, Bible study, small groups, social events, and volunteer opportunities. Ask other singles where the good ones are, and call around to some churches to see what they offer singles.

SPEED DATING OR PRE-DATING

Speed dating or pre-dating is another option. Either in-person at a public location, or by phone and Internet, you meet people in your age and interest category in short (6 minutes?) pre-dates. (See www.pre-dating.com .)

We facilitate the whole thing, say these folks, who schedule events in various cities throughout the US, so theres no awkwardness, no pressure, no embarrassment and no gamesjust great fun! Couples who indicate a mutual interest are given each others contact information after the event.

Here are some of the categories: Singles (ages 40-49); Jewish Singles, Single Parents, Interracial (White Men/Black Women), Latin/Speakers of Spanish Singles; Younger Women (25-39) / Older Men (40-55), Younger Men (25-37) / Older Women (38-49), Athletic Singles, East / West Indian Singles, Marriage Minded Singles, Smokers / Smoker Tolerant Singles, Tall Women (5/10+) / Tall Men, and Singles without Children.

Sample venue? Complimentary quesadilla bar and happy hour drink specials from 4:307:30 p.m., held on a Wednesday night, cost is around $35. They say youll connect with about 10-12 people.

What if you fit one category but want to date within another? Say youre a 60 year old man who likes to date 25 year olds, or a tall women who prefers short men? Pre-dating.com says they favor diversity and will try to accommodate, but only allow about 1 in 10 to be out-of-category.

Initially I thought this mode best for extraverts who love the frenzy and sheer numbers, but introverts could also do well because theyre perceptive and get a chance to visit one-on-one, which is their forte.

DANCING

Dancing is great fun and exercise, and a great way to meet new people of all ages. Check out local dance venues to see if theyre offering dance classes. You can brush up on your skills at a local dancing school, and also meet other singles there.

Or take group lessons at local dance halls which offer them free (or for little) early in the evening to help fill up the place on off nights. Even the fabled Bill Bobs offers dance lessons on Thursday nights, in their case bringing in national talent to teach it, but if your towns like mine, youll be amazed at the local talent.

To locate a dancing teacher near you, go here: http://www.dancespots.net/Find/FindATeacher.asp?SE=Y .

CONCLUSION

These are just a few of the ways you can put yourself around other single people in a more structured way and get a jump on a social life. Active participation allows you to meet other singles, possibly for dating, while also meeting friends, enjoying your life, going new places, trying new things, learning new skills, and having fun.
About the Author
Susan Dunn, MA, Midlife Dating and Relationship Coach, http://www.susandunn.cc . Offering coaching for men and women in dating, transitions, retirement and other midlife issues. Susan is the author of Midlife Dating Survival Manual for Women, available at www.webstrategies.cc/ebooklibrary.html . Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Midlife Dating: What are the Rules? by Susan Dunn, MA, Midlife Dating Coach

Midlife Dating: What are the Rules? by Susan Dunn, MA, Midlife Dating Coach

When you get ready to dip your toe into the dating waters after having been married for a while, you may be wondering what the rules are.

While some people say there are no rules in the game of life, I think its the opposite. There are always rules, and you have to figure them out as you go along.

There are no rules in the sense that you dont have to follow them, following them doesnt guarantee good results, and they dont apply to everyone.

You can also follow all the rules but personalities and emotions get in the way. For instance in school, you probably learned the unfair fact of life that you could be the best student, but you might not get the best grades if the teacher didnt like you. Thats a meta-rule.

Meta-rules are the rules about rules. To say there are no rules is a meta-rule.

It will be helpful if you arm yourself with some meta-rules before you begin dating again. Here are a few. There are more in my ebook, Midlife Dating Survival Manual for Women.

1.Use good manners. Then no matter what happens, youll still feel good about yourself.
2.Its frustrating because everyones in a different stage of recovery and because its a challenge to meet new people. There will be rejections. Roll with the punches. Everyone else is going through it too.
3.People of the opposite sex have changed since last you dated. If the last time you dated the women were 20, and now theyre 40, youll find theyve learned a lot about men and relationships. Expect surprises.
4.All members of the opposite sex are not like the one you just lost or left.
5.Theres a lid for every pot. Keep looking.
6.Get clear about what you want, and make sure youre sending out the right signals. (Check with a coach.)
7.I love you no longer means a commitment. Its said more often, just as hugs between men and women are given more often.
8.People lie, both men and women. This hasnt changed.
9.People also do not always know how they feel nor are they able to express it accurately. Women remain better at it, statistically. It can take a man hours to figure out what he was feeling at the time. If youre a man and want to speed this up and clarify, work with an EQ coach. If youre a woman, give him time.
10.It takes time to get to know someone and trust them. Experience them over time in different situations with different people and pay attention.
11.We intuit the meta-rules. The rules that are spoken or written are not always the rules that matter. For instance in grade school we knew the rules, but we knew what teachers enforced them and what teachers didnt. Likewise with midlife dating, its not always as it first appears. With experience, youll start to catch on, get better at it, and feel better about it, even if you cant articulate it. Thats intuition.
12.There are no mistakes, as long as youre learning and growing.
13.Date with the attitude of having experiences and getting experience, not having success. Success may be a byproduct of the experiences, but getting the experience is the point.
14.Desperation drives it away.

Now you need to get the lay of the land.

1.All-singles affairs arent the best way to meet potential dates. Its too forced and the male:female ration is always askew. Attend them, but not exclusively.
2.If youre a woman, consider adding Internet dating to your mix. There are more men online than women.
3.Men arent against marriage. A man whos married once is likely to marry again. Its women who file for divorce 2/3rds of the time.
4.At 50, if youre a woman and want to get married, there are 4 single women for each single man. However, only 8% of women polled by the AARP wanted a spouse, so the odds are better than they appear.
5.For dating, theyre less than they appear. 80% of men over 50 say they want to date a younger woman. The older they are, the wider the gap they want.
6.People do differentiate between dating and a partner. The top things theyre looking for in both are personality and compatibility. However, when dating, appearance matters more.
7.Introductions from friends and family are the best bet, followed by the workplace, but most people whove dated someone in their office say they wont do it again.
8.Only 2% of women and 20% of men think sex is acceptable on the first date. (AARP)
9.If you get turned down for a date, it isnt you. 9% of seniors say they wouldnt date anyone, any time, under any circumstance.
10.Only when youve gotten over the past and love yourself, are you ready to date and love again.
11.Go slow. The divorce rate for second marriages is 60-70%.

One last thing that hasnt changed: if they dont write, dont call, they just arent that into you. Sad, but not the end of the world. Put a smile on your face and throw your hat back in the ring. Someone is hoping youll find them one sweet day!

True love is something else that never changes.
About the Author
Susan Dunn, MA, Midlife Dating and Relationship Coach, http://www.susandunn.cc . Offering coaching for men and women in dating, transitions, retirement and other midlife issues. Susan is the author of Midlife Dating Survival Manual for Women, available at www.webstrategies.cc/ebooklibrary.html . Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc .