Parental Hostility: What Will This Bring To Your Children's Life? by Ruben Francia

Parental Hostility: What Will This Bring To Your Children's Life? by Ruben Francia

One of the most important factors influencing kids' adjustments to their parents' separation or divorce is the level of parental hostility. How bad or how well children go through the divorce depends on how the situation is handled.

To give you concrete idea on what parental hostility will bring to your child, a list of several studies conducted by different researchers relative to hostility between parent and it's impact to child's development are herein presented.

One study conducted by Raschke and Raschke (1979) about parental hostility concluded that inter-parental conflict in divorced families had the most harmful effect on the children's self-concept; and conflict in general had a negative effect on child development.

Emery (1982) in his research concluded that open hostility over time, in both divorced and married families, causes more harm to children than does indirect hostility.

Shaw and Emery (1987) in their studies found that the higher the rate of externalized hostility between parents witnessed by children, the higher the level of distress for children. When compared with other family stresses, parental conflict appeared to have the most negative effect on children, and open conflict did more harm that internalized feeling of anger.

Camera and Resnick (1989) studies on divorced families concluded that inter-parental hostility and conflict, when exhibited through verbally aggressive and physical abusive behavior, had extremely negative results for children, who in turn often showed aggressive and abusive behavior in their own social lives.

Johnston, Gonzalez and Campbell (1987) study concluded that high levels of hostility between parents resulted, at the early stages, in high levels of depression, withdrawal and aggressive behavior in their children. Longer periods of inter-parental hostility became accurate predictors of long-term adjustment difficulties for children.

The above studies and researches all agree that parental hostility and conflict have the most negative effect on children and to their development. All these suggest how important it is for both parents to work together co-parenting their children.

If you are having difficulty parenting with your children's other parent then make your move now. Remedy your situation by getting a free copy of my ebook "8 Essential Steps To Cooperative Parenting and Divorce." Likewise, you can learn effective divorce parenting from my other ebook "101 Ways To Raise 'Divorced' Children to Successfully." For more information, please visit my website.

With the above information, I hope you will become an empowered divorced parent and believe that you can raise healthy, happy and successful children even if you're divorce.

Copyright by Ruben Francia. All Rights Reserved.

Publishing Rights: You have permission to publish this article electronically, in print, in your ebook or on your website, free of charge, as long as the author's information and web link are included at the bottom of the article. The web link should be active when the article is reprinted on a web site or in an email. Minor edits and alterations are acceptable so long as they do not distort or change the content of the article.

About the Author
Ruben Francia is an author of an indispensable divorce parenting guide ebook, entitled "101 Ways To Raise Your 'Divorced' Children To Success". Get his other ebook for FREE, "8 Essential Steps to Cooperative Parenting and Divorce." Visit his web site at http://www.101divorceparenting.com

What 3 Greatest Gift You Can Give To Your Children by Co-Parenting? by Ruben Francia

What 3 Greatest Gift You Can Give To Your Children by Co-Parenting? by Ruben Francia

A successful divorce is one in which the parents divorce each other but do not require the child to divorce one of the parents, either as a result of parental conflict or by one parent not being available to the child.

It is a well-established fact that a child experiencing the dissolution of the family structure will do better if the parents are able to get along and reduce trauma in an already traumatic experience. Co-parenting can be a viable option when it is implemented by parents who want it to work because they understand that the child's needs supersede their own self interest, and it can be successful and rewarding for both the child and the parents.

So, what exactly the 3 greatest gift you can give to your children by co-parenting? Read on and I will reveal it to you the 3 greatest gift you can give by co-parenting.

1. Co-parenting will let your children focus on what really matters to them.

Supportive co-parenting is important for a child's well being. Children need to experience a strong and cooperative relationship between their parents. Mothers and fathers who agree on most parenting issues and who support each other's efforts create an environment that allows children to grow and thrive. This type of atmosphere gives children the opportunity to focus on what matters to them, such as school, their friends and activities and not their parents' disagreements.

Children experience supportive co-parenting when they receive the same message from both parents and when they observe their parents supporting each other's parenting efforts.

When mothers and fathers can agree on parenting decisions, the positive benefits of co-parenting are seen. These decisions range from the routine, such as agreeing that bedtime is 8 p.m., to the philosophical, such as beliefs about what is best for the child.

2. Co-parenting will minimize the level of stress your divorce brings to your children.

Cooperative co-parenting becomes the single most important element in creating a stress-free and conflict-free family plan.

Divorce brings about many changes in the life of the children. One stressful change may be in their immediate support network. This might mean a loss of friendships and school ties if the divorce requires moving. It might also include changing relationships with extended family members after the divorce.

Cooperative parents strive to keep changes at the minimum. They know that children best benefit from keeping the relationship ties in their lives that were meaningful and important to them prior to the divorce. When changes are necessary, informing the children ahead of time will help them adjust better.

3. Co-parenting will help not put your children in the middle of your divorce conflict.

The hallmark of effective co-parenting is effective communication and negotiation skills. Learning these skills will help children develop better, grow better and rarely be put in the middle of divorce conflict. Remember children don't deserve to be caught in the middle of divorce conflict. It hurt them. Divorce is never the children's business.

You now have the 3 greatest gift you can give to your children by co-parenting. Co-parenting will let your children focus on what really matters to them. Co-parenting will minimize the level of stress your divorce brings to your children. And lastly, co-parenting will help not put your children in the middle of your divorce conflict.

If you are having difficulty parenting with your children's other parent then make your move now. Remedy your situation by getting a free copy of my ebook "8 Essential Steps to Cooperative Parenting and Divorce." Likewise, you can learn effective divorce parenting from my other ebook "101 Ways To Raise 'Divorced' Children to Successfully." For more information, please visit my website.

With the above information, I hope you will become an empowered divorced parent and believe that you can raise healthy, happy and successful children even if you're divorce.

Copyright by Ruben Francia. All Rights Reserved.

Publishing Rights: You have permission to publish this article electronically, in print, in your ebook or on your website, free of charge, as long as the author's information and web link are included at the bottom of the article. The web link should be active when the article is reprinted on a web site or in an email. Minor edits and alterations are acceptable so long as they do not distort or change the content of the article.

About the Author
Ruben Francia is an author of an indispensable divorce parenting guide ebook, entitled "101 Ways To Raise Your 'Divorced' Children To Success". Get his other ebook for FREE, "8 Essential Steps to Cooperative Parenting and Divorce." Visit his web site at http://www.101divorceparenting.com

What Divorce Parenting Practices is Best Appropriate for Preschoolers? by Ruben Francia

What Divorce Parenting Practices is Best Appropriate for Preschoolers? by Ruben Francia

How do you spare your preschoolers for the negative effects of divorce? How do you promote your preschooler's healthy growth and development? The answer is appropriate divorce parenting practices.

The next question is what appropriate divorce parenting practices for preschooler really means? Let's keep things simple. All you need to know is learn how divorce affect your children. Knowing how preschoolers react to divorce will bring you to a better position of knowing the best appropriate divorce parenting practices you can give for your child.

So let's get started. How is preschoolers affected by divorce? Preschoolers commonly experience regression during parents' divorce. Children whose parents are in conflict regress to thumb-sucking, bed-wetting and other behaviors their parents assume they've outgrown.

Children at this developmental stage may think they are responsible for their parents' divorce or for their parents not living together. As a corollary to the perception that their misbehavior caused the divorce or caused a separation, preschool children often believe that if they are really good, everything will be okay again. This can be an incredibly stressful perception for a little kid, because he or she begins to carry on his or her shoulders the burden of getting mom and dad back together again.

Preschoolers may be confused, have fantasizes about reconciliation, and show difficulties in expressing their feelings. Their sense of security is affected by predictable and consistent routines.

Preschoolers may fear being left alone or abandoned altogether and may worry about the changes in their daily lives. They may deny that anything has changed, or they may become uncooperative, depressed, or angry. Although they want the security of being near an adult, they may act disobedient and aggressive.

Preschoolers exhibit signs of sadness and grieving because of the absence of one parent. Preschoolers may be aggressive and angry toward the parent they blame.

Now that you know how preschoolers react to divorce, I'm sure a lot of ideas come to your mind on what divorce parenting practices is best appropriate for preschoolers. To add up to your list of ideas, here below are some of the things you should do to help your preschoolers adjust to divorce.

Repeatedly tell children that they are not responsible for the divorce. Children need to be reassured that the breakup wasn't their fault.

Discourage reconciliation fantasies. Avoid dinners, outings, or holiday celebrations with your ex-spouse; they only fuel your child's fantasies. Instead, emphasize the finality of divorce

Keep daily routines intact. Children feel more secure when there is a standard routine. Stick with bedtimes, no matter at which home the children are. Have some consistent chores. Have some time committed to the child, which is treated as sacred.

Reassure children that everything will be ok, just different. Children are invariably frightened and confused by divorce. It's a threat to their security. Provide extra hugs and kisses and tell your child that you and other adults will always be near to love and protect

Explain what is happening over and over again. Children this age are confused easily. In simple terms, explain where your child will live, with whom, where the departing parent will live, and who will provide care when both parents are unavailable.

Encourage your child to talk about how he/she feels. Be sensitive to children's fears. Let your child know that he or she can openly talk to you about the ups and downs of your separation or divorce.

Encourage the child to carry photographs and other keepsakes of the custodial parent when he or she leaves home to visit with the non-custodial parent. Conversely, encourage the child to keep a photograph of his or her non-custodial parent in a visible place at home.

Be sensitive to children signs of depression and fear. Seek professional help if depression is prolonged or intense.

Help non-custodial parent stay involve. Let non-custodial parent maintain a regular presence such as a phone call several times each week, messages sent on video or audiotapes.

Plan a schedule of time for children to spend with their other parent. Be supportive of children's ongoing relationship with the other parent. Remember that children generally fare best when they have the emotional support and ongoing involvement of both parents. If you have difficulty relating to your former spouse then get your free copy of my ebook "8 Essential Steps to Cooperative Parenting and Divorce." Just visit my website and get the said ebook for free.

You can learn more divorce parenting practices appropriate for children of any age in my ebook "101 Ways To Raise 'Divorced' Children to Successfully." This ebook is a divorce parenting guide that offers many proven ways that will not only help you help your children but will also guide you on how to deal with yourself and your former ex-spouse for your children's sake. Thus, giving you complete information on how to raise healthy, happy and successful children even if you're divorced. For more information, please visit my website.

With the above information, I hope you will become an empowered divorced parent and believe that you can raise healthy, happy and successful children even if you're divorce.

Copyright by Ruben Francia. All Rights Reserved.

Publishing Rights: You have permission to publish this article electronically, in print, in your ebook or on your website, free of charge, as long as the author's information and web link are included at the bottom of the article. The web link should be active when the article is reprinted on a web site or in an email. Minor edits and alterations are acceptable so long as they do not distort or change the content of the article.

About the Author
Ruben Francia is an author of an indispensable divorce parenting guide ebook, entitled "101 Ways To Raise Your 'Divorced' Children To Success". Get his other ebook for FREE, "8 Essential Steps to Cooperative Parenting and Divorce." Visit his web site at http://www.101divorceparenting.com

How to Reorganize Your Divorce Life for Happiness? by Ruben Francia

How to Reorganize Your Divorce Life for Happiness? by Ruben Francia

Do your dreams, hopes and ambitions shattered by your own divorce? Do you feel completely worn out of your desire to go on with your life? Do you feel you have no more purpose or inspiration for life's achievements?

You must not let yourself think along these lines. Be positive. Divorce is said to be emotionally painful and recovery from it is terribly hard, but it should not be taken as an end of your world. Accept it, learn from it and look at it as an opportunity for a new beginning for building a better you.

Wake up and control your mind. Don't allow yourself to get overwhelm by your woes. If you cry and feel sorry for yourself, it will only bog down your ability to think clearly.

Don't allow yourself to engage reconciliation fantasies. Let it end and put it to rest. Nothing you do will change it. Instead, build your life to what you want it to be from this moment onward.

One of the first steps you need to do is to analyze your present situation. Grab a paper, write about your present situation, list down your problems and for each problem, list down your options and possible solutions. Don't worry about finding a solution for everything all at once. These activities will not right away change your present situation but will let you see clearly what your next step ought to be.

Focus and don't waste time. You must quickly regain control of your life and get on with attaining all your ambitions. You must reorganize your life for happiness after divorce.

You do this by leaving the past behind and learned from it, analyzing your present situation, and making post-divorce plan for your life. You have to decide what you want out of your life and how you intend to get what you want. Set realistic goals and target dates for attainment.

Happiness in life comes from the feeling of inner satisfaction on what you feel with whatever you do. It doesn't come from harboring grudges, by being alone or by revenge but by forgiveness and by working together for the common good.

Indeed, happiness comes from your association and inner-action with other people. Thus, following a divorce, you must immediately begin mingling with other people and not only be empathetic relative to ways in which you can help them, but also interested in them as people. The more you reach out to help others, the more help you'll receive in return; and at the bottom line, the greater your own personal happiness.

So, for you to attain happiness after a painful divorce, you must leave the past and learn the lessons they bring; make an assessment of your present situation; have a post-divorce plan for what kind of life you want to have; take actions to achieve your ambitions; help others and love your life.

If you do have children of divorce must that you have to reorganize your post-divorce life quickly. Your children's happiness and success rest on your shoulder. Never allow your divorce to ruin the life of your children. Come to think that children generally fare best when they have the emotional support and ongoing involvement of both parents. So, if you have difficulty relating to your former spouse then read your free copy of my ebook "8 Essential Steps to Cooperative Parenting and Divorce." Just visit my website and get the said ebook for free.

Your happiness will be complete when you see your children grow successful. But post-divorce situation posts a different parenting challenge. To be able to raise successful divorced children you must equip yourself learning appropriate divorce parenting practices. It will be a great help if you have on your side a divorce parenting guide. If you want to discover how to raise happy, healthy and successful divorced children, visit my website and get a copy of "101 Ways to Raise Your Divorced Children to Success" ebook.

Again, it's a matter of getting on with your life, forgetting about the past and moving positively towards the things that you want in life.

With the above information, I hope you will reorganize your post-divorce life for your happiness and your children's success.

Copyright by Ruben Francia. All Rights Reserved.

Publishing Rights: You have permission to publish this article electronically, in print, in your ebook or on your website, free of charge, as long as the author's information and web link are included at the bottom of the article. The web link should be active when the article is reprinted on a web site or in an email. Minor edits and alterations are acceptable so long as they do not distort or change the content of the article.

About the Author
Ruben Francia is an author of an indispensable divorce parenting guide ebook, entitled "101 Ways To Raise Your 'Divorced' Children To Success". Get his other ebook for FREE, "8 Essential Steps to Cooperative Parenting and Divorce." Visit his web site at http://www.101divorceparenting.com

What Divorce Parenting Practices is Best Appropriate for School-Age Children? by Ruben Francia

What Divorce Parenting Practices is Best Appropriate for School-Age Children? by Ruben Francia

It is being said that how bad or how well children go through the divorce depends on how the situation is handled. And believe me when I tell you that there is an appropriate divorce parenting practices for children of any age for them to be healthy, happy and successful despite you're divorce. It simple means that divorced parents can raise healthy, happy and successful children. Here, in this article, we will focus on the best appropriate divorce parenting practices for school-age children.

First, you need to understand how school-age children react to divorce. Knowing how school-age children react to divorce will bring you to a better position of knowing the best appropriate divorce parenting practices you can do for your child. So, how is school-age children affected by divorce?

School-age children are old enough to understand that they are in pain because of their parents' separation. They are too young, however, to understand or to control their reactions to this pain. They may experience grief, embarrassment, resentment, divided loyalty and intense anger.

Elementary school children begin to understand that divorce means their parents will no longer be married and live together, and that their parents no longer love each other.

Children worries about the future. They fear nobody will be there to pick him/her up from school and take care of them. It is common for them to ignore school and friendships.

Children also become aware of their parents as individuals, often fear the loss of parents, and feel sadness and anger because of their parents' divorce or separation. Self-blame, depression, and attempts to reunite parents are not uncommon in this age group.

Knowing how school-age children reach to divorce, I'm sure by now ideas flow into your mind on what divorce parenting practices is best appropriate for school-age children. To add up to your list of ideas, here below are some divorce parenting practices that is best for your child.

Explain what is happening over and over again. Children this age are confused easily. In simple terms, explain where your child will live, with whom, where the departing parent will live, and who will provide care when both parents are unavailable.

Encourage your child to talk about how he/she feels. Be sensitive to children's fears. Let your child know that he or she can openly talk to you about the ups and downs of your separation or divorce.

Read books together about children and divorce. Use books to help your child talk about feelings.

Answer all questions about the changes, and keep lines of communication open. Make sure your child feels like he or she can ask you questions and get answers about why the divorce happened and what to expect.

Plan special time together. Set aside special time to spend with your child but be careful not to make promises you may not be able to keep.

Repeatedly tell children that they are not responsible for the divorce. Children need to be reassured that the breakup wasn't their fault.

Reassure children of how their needs will be met and of who will take care of them.

Reassure children that everything will be ok, just different. Children are invariably frightened and confused by divorce. It's a threat to their security. Provide extra hugs and kisses and tell your child that you and other adults will always be near to love and protect

Talk to your child's day-care provider about the divorce. She will better understand your child's possible regressive behaviors and will likely offer extra support.

Talk to your child's teachers or school counselors about the divorce. They may then better understand possible learning or behavioral problems and will likely offer extra support.

Keep daily routines intact. Children feel more secure when there is a standard routine. Stick with bedtimes, no matter at which home the children are. Have some consistent chores. Have some time committed to the child, which is treated as sacred.

Respect, but monitor, your child's privacy.

Discourage reconciliation fantasies. Avoid dinners, outings, or holiday celebrations with your ex-spouse; they only fuel your child's fantasies. Instead, emphasize the finality of divorce

Be sensitive to children signs of depression and fear. Seek professional help if depression is prolonged or intense.

Help non-custodial parent stay involve. Let non-custodial parent maintain a regular presence such as a phone call several times each week, messages sent on video or audiotapes.

Plan a schedule of time for children to spend with their other parent. Be supportive of children's ongoing relationship with the other parent. Remember that children generally fare best when they have the emotional support and ongoing involvement of both parents. If you have difficulty relating to your former spouse then get your free copy of my ebook "8 Essential Steps to Cooperative Parenting and Divorce." Just visit my website and get the said ebook for free.

You can learn more divorce parenting practices appropriate for children of any age in my ebook "101 Ways To Raise 'Divorced' Children to Successfully." This ebook is a divorce parenting guide that offers many proven ways that will not only help you help your children but will also guide you on how to deal with yourself and your former ex-spouse for your children's sake. Thus, giving you complete information on how to raise healthy, happy and successful children even if you're divorced. For more information, please visit my website.

With the above information, I hope you will become an empowered divorced parent and believe that you can raise healthy, happy and successful children even if you're divorce.

Copyright by Ruben Francia. All Rights Reserved.

Publishing Rights: You have permission to publish this article electronically, in print, in your ebook or on your website, free of charge, as long as the author's information and web link are included at the bottom of the article. The web link should be active when the article is reprinted on a web site or in an email. Minor edits and alterations are acceptable so long as they do not distort or change the content of the article.

About the Author
Ruben Francia is an author of an indispensable divorce parenting guide ebook, entitled "101 Ways To Raise Your 'Divorced' Children To Success". Get his other ebook for FREE, "8 Essential Steps to Cooperative Parenting and Divorce." Visit his web site at http://www.101divorceparenting.com

Top 4 Reasons Women Ride The Emotional Roller-Coaster by Dr. Shawn Byler

Top 4 Reasons Women Ride The Emotional Roller-Coaster by Dr. Shawn Byler

1. Women have learned and are in the habit of being driven by the approval of others. Most women allow the expectations of others to define them and therefore making the approval of others is responsible for their happiness. This pattern gives others the power to make and take your happiness at any time. Approval seeking steals your happiness and doesnt allow you to ever get to know yourself, your wants, your desires, or your needs. A total disconnect. Thus an up and down roller-coaster of emotions. Not a pleasant way to live.

2. Women their achievements define their value. This belief causes several problems. When you believe that you are defined by your achievements, you are unable to feel good about yourself or have strong self-esteem unless you are accomplishing or producing which does not allow for down time, relaxation or free creativity. There is no room for you to just be you. You identify yourself as results. This way of living allows for little or no joy, peace, or contentment because you are always looking for the next way to achieve. This is very different from healthy goal setting. Attaching your value to your achievements will ensure that you will not exit your emotional roller-coaster.

3. Women believe their children define them. Holding this belief can be very damaging for the parent and the child. When parents (unconsciously) hold the belief that their children define them or give them value, they will act in a way that pressures kids to perform at a standard they cannot match up to. Or parents try to force kids to have goals that the parent thinks is best and disregard what the kid or teen wants. Parents with this belief tie their sense of purpose to their childrens results or who they become. This will steal your childs own sense of worth because he/she will only feel good about themselves when they meet your standards and expectations. And quite frankly this is not the unconditional love your child deserves. This is pushing your own agenda on your kids. Children, teens, and young adults need some (increasing as they age) space to figure out what they want and what is important to them! Discover your own identity and allow your children to do the same. Anything else will push your children away emotionally as they grow up. If you depend on your childrens results (or your perception of what these results should be) you will stay on the emotional roller-coaster!

4. Women believe that their husbands are supposed to make them happy. Who of you thought when you got married (if you are married), or perhaps moved in with a significant other, that, this person will make me so happy? Or if you have experienced a divorce or a break-up, you may have thought, this person makes me so unhappy. I am simplifying a bit, but the principal is true. The problem with this thinking is that if we allow people to make us happy, then at any time that person can take our happy. Only you are responsible for your happiness. You must create or develop an inner knowing that you are completely loveable, worthy, and valuable regardless of who is or isnt a part of our life!
About the Author
Momentum Performance Development is a personal and professional coaching company. When you commit to one of our programs, our team of experts in sport, career, and family performance development will assist in exponentially changing your life for the better. This means high performance success for you. We are committed to your results!

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Hire Divorce Lawyer or Use Online Divorce Forms? by Scott Morgan

Hire Divorce Lawyer or Use Online Divorce Forms? by Scott Morgan

Hire Divorce Lawyer or Use Online Divorce Forms?

When do you need to hire a family law attorney and when is it okay to just use an online divorce form website to save a little money? This article will provide a few pointers to help you decide whether to do it yourself or retain a divorce lawyer.

What Does it Mean to Use an Online Divorce Form Website?

Essentially, using an online form website in your divorce case means that you will represent yourself and act as your own lawyer. All of the online divorce form sites have disclaimers making it clear that they are not your lawyer and are just preparing documents on your behalf. While it is your constitutional right to act as your own lawyer, there are some significant risks involved that should be evaluated before you take the online route.

Additionally, you have to evaluate the particular website you are dealing with. Most are national sites that offer forms that they claim will work in any state. However, every state has different laws. In other words, a California Divorce Decree will not be identical to a Texas Divorce Decree because the laws of the two states are not identical. So with an online divorce you are basically getting a generic form that may or may not work in your jurisdiction.

What if You Have Children?

While many of the divorce form sites claim to offer forms that address the necessary provisions regarding children (conservatorship, support, visitation, etc.), it is very risky to use these generic forms when you have children. You must remember that your divorce forms are being prepared using online software that simply fills in the blanks with your answers to very simplistic yes/no or multiple choice questions. These answers may not necessarily fit your situation or you may not fully understand the question.

This is where a competent lawyer can make a big difference. A lawyer will learn more about your situation and find out exactly what your documents need to say, instead of just the boilerplate language that the divorce website's software spits out. If you have children, you should take the safe route and hire an experienced divorce lawyer.

What if You Own Property?

Many of the divorce form sites also claim to offer forms that will deal with the most complex of property divisions. But when it comes to dividing any property beyond personal effects (clothes, furniture, etc.), it is risky to rely solely on generic divorce forms. If you or your spouse own real estate, vehicles, 401k accounts or other retirement accounts, or have any other financial assets or liabilities, an online divorce form will not necessarily protect your interests.

A competent divorce lawyer would be able to, first, analyze your situation and determine what property division is in your best interest, and second, ensure that all the assets awarded to you were properly transferred and the titles correctly recorded on your behalf.

Conclusion

Using an online divorce form always carries a certain amount of risk. If there are no children from the marriage and no property to divide, then saving a few hundred dollars may be worth the risk and the extra work you will have to do. But for most people, especially those with children or property, it is essential to hire an experienced divorce lawyer to handle their case.

About the Author

Scott Morgan has been a Houston divorce lawyer for over ten years. His practice focuses exclusivley on divorce and family law cases. You can find out more about Mr. Morgan on his website, www.houstondivorce.com.

About the Author
Scott Morgan has been a Houston divorce lawyer for over ten years. His practice focuses exclusivley on divorce and family law cases. You can find out more about Mr. Morgan on his website http://www.houstondivorce.com